The Man I Always Wanted To Be

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As a boy, I longed for adventure.  I thought for sure I would be a man along the lines of Indiana Jones.   

ManAlive in a hammock.

I imagined myself traveling the world, starting a business, climbing mountains, making a ton of money. There were fantasies about teaching and giving interviews about my amazing adventures.

The man I wanted to be was decisive, took action, did things, laughed and loved and lived life large.   At no point did I imagine myself in my 40’s dealing with indecision, passivity, fear, rage and rejection.

I was not the man I wanted to be, but I could not pursue radical self-improvement by myself and nobody could really help.   Every time I tried to change or stop, I was left buried in shame, isolated, more aware of my problems and more rehearsed in failure.   Oh, I tried. The meetings, counseling, the prayers, the books, all seemed focused on not doing bad things, being Holy, and on actions to do when I was triggered, but by then it was too late.

Nothing prepared me to deal with the emotions I couldn’t seem to control and was barely aware that I had.

It was ManAlive (the Monday night group), the men in the room, and reading this book, that changed my life.  Through ManAlive, I picked up the skills I would practice and hone to build solid relationships with myself and with men and remove shame from my life.  Once that started, I was able to uncover the things that brought me life and go after them.

The man I am now, is a man who goes after life and relationship.  I’m taking action, making more and better decisions, laughing, loving, crying, feeling.  I am a man more fully alive than ever before, and you can be too.   

It’s been over three years now and what I have learned from Mark has brought me, my marriage, and my family back to life.

Be the man you’ve always wanted to be.  Get the book, read it and do it.

Thanks Mark, you are amazing. 

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